


This world is an abomination... or a benediction

by JotunVali



Category: The Sisters Brothers (2018)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death Fix, Drama & Romance, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One True Pairing, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Canon Fix-It, Romantic Fluff, Self-Hatred, Stars, Temporary Character Death, When you wish upon a star, no request is too extreme
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2020-11-26 01:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20922206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotunVali/pseuds/JotunVali
Summary: Despite being back at their home, at their Ma, Eli and Charlie wish things were different. Eli wishes he had seen Hermann's phalanstery in Dallas while Charlie... wishes he hadn't screwed up everything. Wishes he wasn't such an efficient murderer. One night, they're gazing at the stars. Ma once told them if they wish upon them, their dreams will come true.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> That first chapter is very short.

Finally at Ma’s home,  _ their  _ home, Eli and Charlie Sisters could enjoy their old beds, despite the smallness of it. The eldest Sisters couldn’t help reminiscing what they’ve been through recently. The crushing frustration that had devoured him at the sight of an already dead Commodore he’d have loved to kill himself for all the shit, all the pain the bastard was responsible for, the constant agony while hearing his brother sob at night then scream his lungs out during the severing of his arm, the former whores of Mayfield stealing their gold, that goddamn, cursed gold… It was like in that book Eli once read in a dusty library -while Charlie was still out drinking. “ _ Voluspa _ ” or something like that. In it there was a story of a cursed gold that brought misery on everyone who wished to take it. Eli wondered if not  _ all  _ the gold of the world was cursed, not just the one of that story. Gave some people the power of life and death on their peers, made other people constantly attacked, like him, like Charlie,... like Warm and Morris. These two believed gold could bring a third option, instead of oppressing or being oppressed. Justice, equality, democracy and… what was that pompous word again? “ _ Phalanstery _ ”? After what he’d lived, Eli seriously doubted gold could be the source of any joy, doubted gold could… buy happiness. 

_ Oh, and that’s the guy who’s always in need of money who thinks that. _ He realized.

But that’s what Warm seemed to believe. Well, not exactly, he believed gold was only a way to build his ideal community. Were the people in Dallas still waiting for Warm? If Mayfield’s whores hadn’t stumbled on him, maybe Eli would have dared a little trip to Dallas. Just to see if Warm’s dreams held any trace of reality. Eli had wanted to believe it too, actually. That night Hermann had explained his philanthropic plans to the Sisters, Eli had felt like… mesmerized. By what? Hermann’s big eyes, his soft, gentle voice or just the idea of living in peace and harmony with other human beings than just his brother- whose company was far from being harmonious? Or just by the joy to know Eli wasn’t the only man in the world to wish for a peaceful life? A life with no one to kill and no one who tries to kill you. A life where everyone treats everyone with love and respect. Eli always thought it was a stupid unrealistic dream, and everyone around him was here to remind him, but when he met Hermann, the target he and Charlie were supposed to kill and torture, it was like Eli’s faith in humanity and in his own dreams had been resurrected. Like his peaceful life wasn’t going to be reduced to a few jerks-off at night while sniffing a shawl. 

But then, there was that stupid accident. And these stupid, fucking chemicals that killed Warm, Morris, Charlie’s arm, the river and all of Eli’s barely born dreams! 

He wanted to cry now. Yet, with Charlie already weeping again next to him, he tried to remain calm. Ma needed to rest. She really didn’t deserve two big burdens like them.


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you ashamed of me now?” Charlie had asked Eli a few days earlier.

Somehow, he’d always looked for his big brother’s approval and love, that’s true, but that love had always mattered -a little- less than the young Sisters’ ambitions. Like shooting anyone who dared to get in his way, like taking none other than the Commodore’s place! Being the most powerful man in the country, maybe the world, no shitheads like his father, no human raccoons, no one would dare to harm him or his family! Now… now he couldn’t care any less for prestige or money. First he kills his own father, and now he… he muffled a sob in his pillow. Warm, the guy Charlie had been so eager to torture, and Morris, that poshy, cocky, son of a bitch he’d yearned to stab and drown and grown so fucking, so grossly fond of! Who tried to save him when he, like the thickest, dumbest bastard of all, had decided to pour out all of the chemicals in the river!

Dead. 

Both dead. 

Died a horrible death. 

Because of him.

Because he still thirst for gold, because he still thought fucking gold mattered more than anything else. 

More than brothers.

More than friends.

He had it all and ruined it all!

He had killed them!

He should be happy of it! Murder was his favorite hobby and it was his initial work to put down Warm and Morris.

But he was  _ NOT _ ! He was  _ NOT  _ happy!

He’d never been so unhappy before!

Last time he’d felt so miserable was when Pa used to beat Ma. Except Charlie wasn’t responsible for that! 

_ Screw you, Charlie Sisters! That’ll teach you to be a murderous, brutish drunkard! You’re no better, no, you’re WORSE than your father! _

His short life at Folsom Lake was the most perfect life he’d never dared to dream of! He tried to remember but nowhere in his life he’d felt so happy. In fact, he had NEVER felt happy in his life except at Folsom Lake! He had it all: safety, money, his brother, friends, the sweetest, most wonderful friends Charlie had never asked for… All this heaven, gone.

Because of him.

Morris once told Charlie he wouldn’t live long while he and Hermann would live happily ever after in Dallas. Or sort of.

A crooked smile appeared on his face.

_ I wish you had been right, urban snowflake.  _

Snowflake John Morris.

Charlie bit on his lower lip. Tears ran on his bearded cheeks.

He used to yearn to punch the sophisticated bastard in his handsome face.

Now, he yearned to bring him back, tell him he was sorry, so fuckingly sorry for having caused his death! For having killed him! He could picture it again. Him, like the greedy blockhead he was, pouring the chemicals on his hand and screaming like a pig and Morris hurrying to help and then… tripping and sinking into the caustic water. And dying a terrible, painful death. And asking him to… give him his gun… and…

_ “Thank you.” _

The young Sisters burst into tears against his pillow. Morris had actually  _ thanked  _ him for helping him suicide while  _ he  _ was the responsible one for John’s suffering!

_ I’ve tortured and killed you! And  _ survived  _ you! While  _ you  _ were trying to save me! Despite all the shit I’ve made you live! Shit! _ I  _ should be the dead one, not you! Neither you or Warm! I’ve killed you both! Killed your dream too! I’m a douchebag! A selfish, greedy, murderous douchebag! A walking hex!  _ I  _ should have died instead of you! You were so much more… valuable than gold! I…  _

_ “ _ Fuck…” Charlie whimpered.

_ I fucking loved you.  _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers watch the stars.  
Eli remembers one of them.

A night they couldn't sleep, which happened a lot recently, the Sisters Brothers were sitting outdoors, staring at the starry sky.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Eli smiled.

Charlie shrugged his shoulders.

“Same old sky as before. We’ve seen it like this a thousand times.”

Eli glowered at his brother with a face that clearly meant  _ “I don’t buy your shit for one second, Charlie” _ .

“What?” The young Sisters said.

Eli gazed back at the sky.

“We’ve  _ never  _ seen it like this before.” He asserted.

He knew this clear, glittering night sky reminded them of the gold. Not the gold they’ve earned or stolen throughout their career, but the gold gleaming, shining down the bed of their River of Light. The river of Warm and Morris. Of the light that had enlightened their faces and their hearts. For a few minutes and yet forever. They’d been so happy at Folsom Lake with these two guys they were initially supposed to kill. 

Eli had never wanted to kill them in the first place. And afterwards he’d even grown fond of them. Especially Warm. Who stopped Morris from shooting him and his brother. Who didn’t judge anything when Eli told him the disastrous story of his family. Who was so kind and gentle. Who looked and sounded so heartfully convinced people could change for the best. Even killers like the Sisters brothers. Eli had wished to believe him. Whose voice was so soft and smooth like honey. Even during his last moments. What Eli regretted the most was he had to die alone, without having a chance to talk one last time with his beloved Morris. Eli had abandoned Hermann the moment the sensitive chemist needed someone by his side the most. He gazed at the stars. They reminded him of the shiny river… and the glowing warm eyes of Hermann. First, sparkling with hope and glee, then dim and grey of sadness and misery.

_ “Oh John, where have you been?” _

Eli still felt on his wrist the hungry and desperate caress of Hermann’s rough with blisters hands. His physical pain was clear but the pain in his soft heart was even more atrocious. And heartbreaking.

_ “I only wanted to help you.”  _

His voice once so ardent and passionate had been reduced to a feeble whisper.

_ “I only wanted to be your friend.” _

_ “You’re my friend, Hermann.”  _ Eli had honestly replied. 

Even if Eli didn’t know before what a friend was. He had found one in Hermann and he really didn’t want him to die. So early and so hurtfully.

_ “I’m sorry you had to die before me.” _

Eli’s heart had been smashed into tiny shards at that line. Either Hermann had ended completely delirious and thought talking to Morris’ ghost… or he’d found out despite his blind eyes he was talking to Eli, which must have meant to him Morris was dead. Which wasn’t that crazy since Morris indeed shot himself a few seconds later. That shoot that had urged Eli out of the tent, leaving Hermann to die all alone… But how had Hermann guessed he wasn’t talking to Morris? The voice? Maybe. Or maybe because Eli had remained calm and rather formal while the real John Morris would have glued himself to Hermann, covered him with kisses and tears and loving words, hugged him... Eli wasn’t fond of Hermann that way. Though his fondness  _ could have _ grown that way if… if Hermann had lived longer. 

Hermann.

He wanted to help everyone, to be nice with everyone, and yet only John Morris filled his thoughts on his deathbed. He was dying, blind, in pain but his only concern was John Morris. Eli would fight anyone who’d dare to doubt Hermann had been in a mad love with Morris. And the reverse obviously. It had been easy to guess when Morris had suddenly changed his mind and decided to elope with Hermann. Well, first Eli had assumed it was to steal his and Charlie’s paycheck but then he’d remembered Morris’ character and, above all, he had seen how he and Hermann were behaving to each other. Eli sighed. He wished Morris hadn’t shoot himself. Wished he could have talked one last time to Hermann who kept asking for him desperately and vainly. 

If Ms Partridge was to die before him, Eli swore he’d be there for her, no matter what. Really, all this love, all this hope, all these dreams, all this happiness gone in a few seconds because one stupid accident. He looked at Charlie

Whose face was covered in tears. 

Yet Charlie didn’t make any noise.

Just his eyes locked on the stars.

Eli remembered his brother was crying every night, since his accident. Eli knew it wasn’t just because of his missing arm. 

“Charlie…” Eli whispered.

_ It’s not your fault. _

“I loved him, Eli.” Charlie mumbled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie remembers Morris.

“Why do you think I’m here?” A serenely floating Morris asked the younger Sisters. 

“Like us! For the gold!” Charlie retorted.

“But what you’d do with it?”

“Spend it, obviously.” Charlie replied.

“You really think you’ll have the time to?” Morris belittled him. “Between the corpses you left behind, the Commodore, your famous drunkenness, something tells me you won’t live a ripe old age.”

“And will your ideal society make a difference?” Charlie scoffed at that really annoying guy.

“I can’t say for you. But for me, yes.”

The soaking scout had answered like he had seen the divine light or something. 

_You've really drunk in every sense of the word for your sweet and perfect Warm. And _I'm _the drunkard here? You think your cute sissy chemist is your prophet and savior?_

“Or…” Charlie suggested. “It’s a scam. A trap for suckers. Is that it?”

Morris burst into laugh.

Now, enough was enough!

“I’ll tell you something, John Morris! You’re a goddamn arrogant asshole!”

“Well, let me tell you something, Charlie Sisters!” Morris laughed even more. His contemptuous yet goddamn cute, adorable laugh. “I don’t care what you think! That is to say _ if _you think!” Morris giggled.

“I think I should drown you! You fucking son of a bitch!” Charlie jumped on Morris in a rough splash.

“A son of a bitch who can swim, idiot!” Morris grinned and counterattacked. “So find another way to kill me, Sisters!”

“Kill you?” A soaked to the skin Charlie emerged. “Oh no. I’m gonna scratch your insufferable sky blue eyes and stuff ‘em into your ass!” He raged.

“What does the color of my eyes has to do with your murder projects?” Morris asked in confusion.

Charlie’s face burned up. 

“I- I just hate it! Shut up!” He grabbed Morris’ legs and made both of them fall into the river. 

The East gentleman stood up and dunked the angry hitman in the water.

“Have my sky blue eyes stolen your intoxicated heart, Charlie?” Morris joked.

“I said shut up, you twat!” Charlie screamed.

They both stayed still for a time. One blushing and the other confused. 

Was Charlie… serious? Oh shit.

Morris threw water on the scruffy face.

“I suppose you prefer water over my voice?” He tried to joke again to relieve the tense atmosphere.

_ I wish I did. Your voice is the sweetest I’ve ever heard! Even when you insult me! _ Charlie didn’t dare to admit out loud. _ It’s like you throw flowers at me. Gets on my nerves but also can’t help thinking it’s beautiful. _

He splashed Morris harder.

“As you prefer water in your uptight face over my non-thinking?” He smirked.

Morris shook his hair and wiped his beard.

_ You beautiful bastard. _

“I guess we’re both water people.” Morris soaked him again.

“We’re fucking mermaids!” Charlie replied in a large smile.

“You’d make an ugly mermaid!” Morris threw water on him again, with his adorable laugh.

“And you’d be a porpoise!” Charlie fought back, still smiling.

“Speaking of water animals, I think we have some trees to make a dam with.” Morris stopped and walked off the river.

Disappointing a bit the enamoured Sisters.

“You’ll help me?” He looked at him.

With his heavenly blue eyes.

“I’m the only available lad here so... I have no choice.” Charlie shrugged his wet shoulders.

“Good.” Morris genuinely smiled. “Then let’s use our strength usefully this time.” He offered his hand to his surprised friend.

Without a word but with a sincere smile, Charlie took it. 


	5. Chapter 5

“What?”

“John fucking Morris!” Charlie gritted his teeth, glaring at his puzzled brother. “I was… I’m  _ still  _ crazy for that… suicidal motherfucker!” He cried. 

His big brother was about to gently pat his shoulder when he sharply carried on.

“That… urban sophisticated shit!.. shot his brains off… Right before my eyes!” He spat.

“Charlie, it wasn’t-” Eli softly shook his head.

“I should have been happy! I yearned to shoot that bastard’s head myself and he spared me the trouble by doing it himself!” Charlie began to sob.

“Charlie…”

“I should be happy, Eli! The guys we were supposed to kill are dead and we took their gold! Just as how we planned! So why am I feeling like shit?”

“Charlie, stop…”

“Why do I feel… ashamed… guilty… for what I always did as a living? Why, for the first time of my sorry life… I want to bring back some fucker I’ve killed?”

“Shut up, Charlie! You didn’t kill him! You didn’t kill them!” Eli scolded him.

“Of course I did! Stop being all nice, Eli! I’ll puke on my chair!” Charlie screamed.

“Ma is still sleeping, you idiot!” Eli crossly murmured.

Charlie dryly shoved off his brother.

“So? True love, then?”

“The fuck, Eli?”

“You said you were in love with Morris.”

Charlie looked away.

“That’s why you feel guilty.” Eli deducted.

“Of course not! You were there too, remember? He wouldn’t have… neither he or Warm would have died if… if I hadn’t behave like the greediest jerk, if I hadn’t… poured these fucking chemicals and burned my hand in the process like a fucking idiot… that bastard Morris wouldn’t have tripped trying to help me…  _ me  _ for God’s sake!... we were at each other’s throats like a few days ago… and that stupid Warm, all head over heels for his snowflake!... neither of them would have sunk in a fucking poisoned by me river!”

“Charlie, it’s not like you have pushed them in..! Ugh.”

Eli sighed in tire. Then, gazing at the stars, he got some child’s idea. He thought about what Ma used to tell them about the night stars.

“Wishes…” He remembered.

“What are you dreaming about now? A new shop?” Charlie gave him a fake smile.

“Ma told us if we wish upon a star, it’ll become true.”

“What? Are you sure you’re alright, Eli?”

“You don’t remember?” Eli faintly shook his head, like in disappointment.

“Yeah I do. And it was bullshit for infants. So?” 

“What if it wasn’t? Have you ever tried it?” Eli stared at him.

“No, because it’s stupid, fairy bullcrap! I already knew that at five years old!”

“You also thought Warm’s projects were  _ fairy bullcrap _ .” Eli retorted. “Charlie… you want them back? Do you want Morris back?” He asked in a serious tone.

“You… delirious bastard!” He pulled on his brother’s collar. “If me being a fag repels you, fine! But I fucking  _ forbid  _ you to make… fun of it!” 

“What? No! I’m serious, Charlie!” Eli protested.

“Did you eat some weird forest bug again? You’re raving! There’s a big difference between what I  _ want  _ and what I  _ can _ , Eli! As much as it pains my ass to say it.”

“What does it cost you? If it doesn’t work, we’ll just carry on our lives.” Eli insisted.

“Pfff…”

“At least we’d have tried.”

“We should have… _ I _ should have tried before. Goddamn  _ way  _ before...” Charlie lamented.

“Charlie... “ Eli whispered. His brother looked at him. “Just once? To see? See if Ma was telling the truth?”

“Please, even  _ she  _ didn’t believe it. Pa was here to remind her.”

“She wished her misery to stop and… here you came to save her.”

“Yeah. To give her another kind of misery…”

“We don’t have to kill anyone here, do we? Just wish on a harmless, extremely remote, lost in deep space, star.” Eli emphasized slowly.

It was Charlie’s turn to sigh.

“Unless you don’t really want Morris back.”

“I  _ do  _ want him back! You jerk! I  _ want  _ him back!” Charlie exploded. “I want... to see him and tell him how much of a fucking  _ hell  _ I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve done! I want t-to…” He bit his lower lip. “I want to… hug him, punch him, tell him how goddamn  _ happy  _ I am to see him, to… hear his laugh, see him smile, be happy… and on… his ninth cotton candy cloud with Warm!” He whimpered and grossly sniffled. “Instead of… laying down in dirt, covered in gross bleeding stains… his brains splattered out of his skull!”

Eli came closer and hugged his devastated brother.

“Sorry. I’m sorry, Charlie.” He mumbled.

They stayed close for a moment.

“You, Eli? You want Warm back, I bet?” Charlie fakely smiled.

“I-I want both of them back.” Eli asserted. “Like you.”

“Sure. But you won’t convince me you didn’t have tingly thing for the adorable, pure and sweet as sugar Hermann Kermit Warm. You liked his ideas of an ideal, just and kisses society.”

“Ugh. I really can’t have any privacy with you!” Eli complained.

“Even if you had it, it’s not hard to guess you were feeling something else than just respectable friendship for him with your eyes full of glitter every time Warm was giving his speech about his ideal candyland. You wish he could have fulfilled his girly dream, don’t you?”

“As you do too, Charlie.”

His brother scoffed and shook his head.

“Don’t give me the  _ “I didn’t believe in that full of crap sissy dream for one second”  _ look, Charlie. Don’t think  _ you  _ aren’t also obvious.  _ You  _ also wanted to believe in Warm’s dreams.”

“Sounded nice, I admit it.” Charlie shrugged his shoulders.

“So you would have given up the career you were  _ so  _ proud of to follow the girly delusions of one crazy man?” Eli mocked him.

“I got it, Eli. No, killing people didn’t sound as neat as I thought, ok?” Charlie finally admitted.

“Reaaally?” Eli pretended to sound surprised.

“Yes! Really! You happy to be right?” Charlie lost patience.

“Yeah a bit.”

“So? How do we do it? Wishing on the misses stars?” The younger brother gazed at them.

“Like in church, I guess. Join hands and pray them.” Eli assumed.

His little brother intensely glowered at him.

“Really, Eli?” Charlie showed up his stump.

“Sorry.” His brother apologized. “Well, having just one hand never kept from praying, right?”

“If so, every cripple of this land would be atheist.” Charlie guessed. “The first time I pray and I had to wait for the loss of my hand to do it.” He snorted before he closed his eyes. “Please… please…” He soon mumbled. 

Eli had never heard such a serious and devoted tone in his brother’s voice before.

“Please… I want them back. Just them…”

“Please, stars…” Eli began, hands joined.

“Not asking to revive all the guys I’ve shot... Just these two guys. These two angels…” Charlie pleaded.

“Please…” Eli whispered.

“They didn’t deserve it… They could have lived long and happy if… if it hadn’t been for me…” Charlie lamented.

“We don’t often pray. Almost never. I hope that one prayer will matter.” Eli tried to talk to the stars.

“And if it doesn’t, then to hell with you.” Charlie cursed.

After a few minutes of praying, and some whimpers, they decided to go to sleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

Eli blinked open his eyes. 

Wait.

This wasn’t their house.

He looked up.

He was in a tent? And it was daylight? What the hell?

Charlie was deeply snoozing next to him. He shook his brother’s shoulder.

“Charlie. Charlie, wake up!”

He got an whining grumble as a response.

“Let me sleep a bit, Ma.”

“Do I sound like Ma, you blockhead?” Eli grunted. “I said wake up!”

“Ok, fine, fine!” Charlie groaned. “Look, I’m fully awake.” He rose up his hands in surrender. “What? Where the fuck are we?”

“I don’t know. We should go out to see.” 

“I thought we had gone back to Ma’s home.”

“So did I, Charlie.”

“The hell is happening now?” The younger Sisters grumbled, throwing away his blanket in irritation. “Holy Mary and Jesus fucking Christ! Eli!” He screamed. “Eli! Look!” He shrieked.

“What, Charlie? What should I loo-? Oh shit.” Eli expelled at the sight of his brother’s fresh and neat resurrected right hand. “But… how?”

“Why do you stare at me as if I knew shit? It’s just… back!” Charlie chuckled. And grinned in pure euphoria. “It’s back.” He repeated as he was turning his hand around. He touched it. “It’s back.” He murmured. Then something, some lightning dashed through his mind and made him gasp.

“You alright?” Eli enquired.

“Yeah…” Charlie breathed as if he’d just realized something big and really important. As if he’d been touched by the Holy Grace and Bliss. “It’s… Eli, they’re back!”

“What? Who?”

“Oh please, brother, I knew you less stupid than that! If my hand’s back, that means they’re back too!” Charlie claimed.

“But _ who _are- oh. No. No, it can’t be. It’s… impossible.”

“_ You _ told me to pray on your friends the stars, _ you _ told me your tales for children could work, and now _ you _’re the retard who won’t believe it actually worked?”

“I just told you that to cheer you up!” Eli explained. “To… ugh. Dead people _ can’t _come back! That’s just…”

“Impossible, yeah, yeah, I got it!” Charlie sassed his brother waving and wriggling his right hand’s fingers in front of Eli’s done face. “Why don’t we go out to check, Mister Rationalistic?”

“Let’s do that. At least it’ll make shut you up.”

“I will never shut up now I got my most precious member back! After _ this _member, obviously!” 

_ Oh great. The jokes below the belt are back too. _ Eli thought with regret.

“I think I liked you better when you were depressed, Charlie.”

“Too late.” Charlie grinned.

“Too late indeed, Mister Sisters.” A familiar, sweet, heartfreezing voice replied to him. “Where have you two been off to? Hermann and I got all of the gold last night. And we’re not so sure about sharing anymore.” The voice kidded.

The Sisters brothers glanced at the owner of that voice.

This neatly trimmed beard, these shiny sapphire-blue eyes, this insufferably silky long hair… It was him. 

It was him. 

It really was him! 

John Sophisticated Ass-Uptight Morris! 

Charlie gave no shit about his hand, logic, decency, appearances or even his own dignity now. All of his being yelled only one order: 

Run to him!

Which he joyfully did. And hugged Morris so tight he was on the verge of strangling him.

“Fuck it. You’re here! You beautiful bastard. You hot son of a bitch! You’re really here!” Charlie sobbed in a squeaky muffled voice against Morris’ neck. And to the startling surprise of the latter. “Never leave again. Never leave again!”

“What? The heck is occurring to you, Charlie?” Morris demanded before finally breaking free of his assaulter’s near-lethal embrace. “I’ve never left. You’re the one with your brother who disappeared last night! Or maybe you’ve decided to go to bed early.”

“Oh, do shut up before I kiss you, hot-shot Morris!”

“Are you sure you’re alright?” The East detective looked more confused than irritated.

“I’ve never been more alright in my whole life, sweetheart.” Charlie pushed his newfound madness further before clinging back around Morris’ waist.

“Please stop that!” The trapped scout protested.

But Charlie wasn’t listening. He was too busy drowning into relief, joy, euphoria, adoration, his own tears and Morris’ mint scent.

_ He’s alive! _

_ That bastard really is alive! _

_ His body’s so strong and lively. _

_ His skin. _

_ His precious skin is so soft and smooth again! _

_ May it never be covered in blisters and scabs in a million fucking years! It’s so much more beautiful like that. Clean, smooth, warm… Oh. Thinking of Warm where is-? _

“John? How are our late… oh.” Hermann Kermit Warm, back with his dark cocoa eyes and gilded brown skin was taken aback by the quite unusual scene before him.

“Hermann…” Eli breathed. He couldn’t control the skip in his heart.

“Hermann?” Morris freaked out and pushed back Happy Charlie. “Tha-that’s not what you’re-”

“‘That’s not what you’re thinking, Hermann.’ Am I wrong?” The insightful chemist anticipated. “And what am I thinking exactly, John Morris?” He waited.

“Hermann…”

“Charlie, couldn’t you be more moderate in your ways to express your feelings?” Eli lowly grumbled to his brother.

“Wow, relax everyone!” Charlie whined. “And you, Sir Science, calm your formulas! Hugging a pal never hurt anyone!” He poorly justified to Hermann.

“Jesus, Charlie…”Eli shook his head in disbelief.

As the brothers were bickering, Hermann kept staring at John, expecting an answer from his partner. But John was speechless. His fear was short-lived though. His husband laughed. His soft, adorable laugh.

“I was just kidding you, John.” Hermann beamed. “Forgive me my friend but the success of our enterprise yesterday put me in a joking mood.”

John let out the breathe he was holding in. Then, his detective analytic brain processed what just happened with Charlie. Surely, it wasn’t something important, but his logic mind had to unravel the how and the why of that sudden behavior. And the qualifier was euphemistic! 

“Charlie?” He interrupted the brotherly argument. “Why did you ask me not to ‘leave again’?”

The Sisters brothers froze a few instants. As if they’ve just seen the Devil himself or a ghost. They looked at each other. Like they were searching for the most appropriate answer. Or lie.

“It’s just… Charlie had a horrible nightmare.” Eli promptly explained. “And you, Morris… figured in it. That’s all.”

“What? No!” Charlie fiercely protested. “That’s not what happened at all, Eli! You know it as well as I, dammit!”

“Because you think they’ll believe us maybe?” Eli retorted.

“Why not?” Charlie exclaimed, as if it was obvious Morris and Warm would believe their explanation.

“What wouldn’t we believe?” Warm asked, looking keen to learn about the brothers’ apparently phantasmagorical experience.

Eli sighed. The world was against him today. Very well. If things were supposed to happen that way. He told them everything. 

Charlie’s accident. The polluted river. John’s attempt to rescue Charlie and Hermann’s to save John. John’s and Hermann’s gruesome, painful and lonely deaths. The stolen gold. Though that last part was just here to close the story and wasn’t that important to the elder Sisters.

John and Hermann stared at the brothers with large, wide, as if lidless eyes. Especially Hermann who had turned so frozen and still he could have been easily taken for a statue. A beautiful, pretty statue. That were John’s thoughts. Hermann took a deep, though erratic, breath and dashed to his tent without a word for the brothers. 

“Hermann? Hermann!” John called out. “What the goddamn hell is your problem?” He growled at Eli and Charlie before running to his beloved.

Eli looked at his brother.

“Oh please, don’t gimme that ‘I told you so, Charlie’ look!” Charlie complained.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It goes all angsty and teary.

John reached his upset lover.

“Hermann, what is it my sweet-”

“You… you love me, John?” Hermann mumbled, a hint of upcoming tears in his voice.

“I do! I do love you, Hermann.” John grabbed his lover’s hand and kissed it. “These two just are delirious! How is it even possible to-? Don’t tell me you believe them!”

“You didn’t believe me when I told you about my formula.” Hermann reminded him. “No one did. And yet I was telling the truth! Why would it be different with Charlie and Eli?” His voice turned louder. He bitterly chuckled. “Since when does Charlie Sisters of all people jump on your neck?”

“Charlie is a drunkard! Alcoholic people do many senseless things, I tell you!” John unpleasantly remembered his parents, especially his father. Although, all of his family held a love for booze. Just at different levels.

“I  _ know  _ what alcoholism does!” Hermann screamed out of the blue.

John stared at him with wide, incredulous eyes. The cross chemist’s were watering. Hermann sniffled.

“I was… I used to… like the bottle too much.” He admitted shamefully. “Legacy from my father. But this is off my point. What I mean is… people like Charlie, who tend to be violent, cruel and… asocial  _ don’t  _ suddenly become affectionate to people they cursed at the day before when they’re drunk. Quite the opposite.” 

“Hermann…” John tried to stroke away his lover’s tears but the latter stepped back. As to say  _ Don’t touch me! _ . “Hermann, my sweet love…” He took the chemist’s other hand. He began to freak out. “They just  _ can’t  _ possibly have-! Maybe they just  _ dreamt  _ it! They just had a dream that felt real and that’s all!”

“A dream they  _ both  _ had? At the same time? I don’t think brotherly love goes  _ that  _ far, John!”

John’s heart dreaded and broke in pieces at the profoundly sarcastic and hateful tone in his angel’s usually so honey-sweet and mellow voice. A tone directed at him!

“Hermann, this is a lie! A big, horrible, monstrous lie!” He claimed, out of plausible explanations.

“Why would they make such a terrible and, as you implied, impossible lie?” Hermann cried out. “I  _ know  _ when a man lies, John, and I tell you: Eli and Charlie are  _ not  _ lying now!” He pointed the outside of the tent, tears already rolling on his cheeks.

“Hermann, please…” John begged.

“John Morris…” Hermann started with a trembling and scared voice. “Would you...ugh…” He refrained a new strong flow of tears. “Would you… kill yourself…” It was no use, they still poured over his face. “... a-after I try to save you?”

“How can you ask me such a terrible thing, Hermann? How-? After everything we’ve been through together…” He cupped his lover’s hands. “You must be sick. Yes, that’s right. You-you should rest. We… we should  _ all  _ rest today. And we… we’ll just forget everything that just happened.”

“You didn’t answer me!” Hermann frightfully insisted, in a clear, sharp voice.

John looked down the ground, abashed.

“Oh no…” Hermann dreadfully realized. “You’re hesitating.”

“I’m… I’m just a man.” John timidly admitted.

_ A weak, cowardly man. _

Hermann sighed, and tried to muffle a loud, hurtful cry. John couldn’t help hugging him tight.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” He wept. “I…” He remembered Eli’s words. “If… all my body was in pain and… unable to move…” He pictured how it’d feel to lie down, paralyzed and have a crisped, burning, painful oven as a body.

“John, please…” Hermann implored.

“And… worst of all… if I was responsible for  _ your  _ suffering, if… if you were to suffer such a horrible pain… and…” He bit his lip, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “... and die from it... because of me!... I… I don’t think… even being in a good shape…” His trembling made him hug his sweet lover tighter. “I… I don’t think I could… bear it.”

Hermann sobbed his heart out against John’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry my love… my dearest...” John breathed against the dark hair before kissing it. “I’m sorry, so sorry…”

“Your… your love for me…” Hermann managed to mumble between two hiccups. “Would… drive you to… such a dire… decision?” He asked in a tiny, tearful voice.

“What?” John didn’t understand the question.

“I…  _ I  _ could… lead you… to… suicide?”

“Wha-? Oh!” John gasped as he finally was getting what his beloved meant. “Oh, Hermann you…!”

_ You truly are an angel! The purest angel! _

Hermann didn’t resent John for his supposed suicide in another life or charge him with abandonment! Hermann resented himself! For inspiring a too strong, crazy, lethal love to  John! 

“Oh Hermann…” John sobbed.

Then, with both hands, he cupped his lover’s wet face and passionately, sincerely, lovingly kissed him. To his bliss, Hermann gladly responded.

Hermann. 

He was his everything, his joy, his hope, his sun, his moon, his angel, his savior, his husband, his love, his life!

He couldn’t be human! No human was so sweet, so kind, so selfless, so pure!

God must have given one of his angels to John! Or maybe… maybe Hermann had fled God to go down and help the poor lost human souls. Maybe that was what Hermann had meant when he told he “left his father” because “there was no place for him”. John smiled at that thought. And John Morris had been the first, and most blissful, man to accept his help and to follow him! Oh, he probably was the delirious one now, but how could he not turn crazy while Hermann, his pure and perfect Hermann, was wildly kissing him? Despite all the horrible things John had, and could have, done to him? 

Screw that cursed formula! Because of it, John could have-! It really could bring nothing but misery and pain! 

_ You’re more, so much more important than that stupid formula, John! You followed me despite all the risks for your life!  _ I  _ have risked your life!  _ I _ ’ve put you in danger! Even… even your love for me put you in danger! I’m the worst partner! In every sense of the word! Why do you still stay with me, my beloved John? You should leave, find a wife, an ambition-less wife and live a tranquil and long life. Not something you can have with me. But I love you! I love you so much! I love your kissing, I love your voice, I love your body, I love your pure heart, I love you! I love you! _

Both wished they could hold their breath so they could kiss forever.

Hermann’s lips were as always soft and smooth. Just like his raven hair and kittenish moustache. He really was the embodiment of purity, sweetness and love. Yes, John Morris really would die for his angel anytime. 

John’s lips were as tender and caring as ever. Hermann loved them. They reminded him how much he was loved, how much he was cared for. By none other than the man his heart had chosen. How much that man was the most honest, pure-hearted and kindest he had the bliss and joy to meet.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a chapter that comes from another story of mine: Charcoal nightmares and golden dreams (the 4th chapter), but I wanted to put it here too. Cause it fits in this story too. And cause I do what I want :p

Sunlight woke up Hermann. He was still sitting on a chair. That damn chair Morris had tied him up to in order to throw him away to the Sisters brothers and- 

Wait. 

His hands were free. He stared at them a moment. They didn’t look like he’d struggled free while asleep. That meant… After a brief hesitation, he anxiously dared a look behind. Towards Morris’ bed. The man was profoundly asleep. So profoundly he flatly crumbled down when Hermann uttered his name. Then Morris managed to sit back on the bed. Hermann had so many questions. 

Why did you free me? To begin with.

_Could… could it be?_

“You don’t think you’re making a mistake?” Is what slipped out of the puzzled chemist’s mouth.

_The Commodore’s killers, everyone who’d heard of my formula will hurt you if you let me go. _

“I don’t know. Probably.” Half-asleep Morris answered.

Maybe it was the after-effects of the bad night he’d spent but Hermann could have sworn he’d heard a slight snort. An almost inaudible sound but which meant so much. 

_Yes, I’ve just signed my own death warrant and doomed myself to a convict-like life but I don’t regret it because despite my poor act of the night before I’ve sincerely grown attached, maybe more, to you and I intend to protect you and help you._

Maybe the blissful past weeks spent with Morris, no, John, were sincere after all. Only last night was an act. Hermann’s heart that had been stomped on last night was beginning to beat strong and passionate again. Finally he’d met someone to willingly help him without any condition. A partner. A friend. Someone Hermann never truly had before. To be fair, he’d given up on making friends, true friends, the day he’d discovered his formula. Yes, it was going to help him to help thousands of people, but owning the secret to bring out gold without even the need to dig would bring -and have brought- him way more enemies than friends. And the few friends would be revealed as interested traitors. Hermann had learnt that too late when he met the Commodore. Of course Hermann hadn’t expected friendship from the Commodore, only his money and his relations, but still. It didn’t hurt having a friend or two in the Wild West. It was rare too.

“Let’s go.” John whispered.

What? He came with him? 

“What? John!” Hermann called. “Running with me will increase your chances to get killed and likely tortured by the Sisters!”

“As you running alone will increase yours to get killed and tortured by _anybody _!” John dryly retorted. He clearly hadn’t slept better than Hermann.

The chemist uttered a tiny gasp.

_John. You…_

He truly, _honestly _intended to help and protect him with the sole reward of being hunt down by professional killers?

_Oh John._

Hermann couldn’t refrain his faded sniffles and small tears to manifest. His eyes were itching. He rubbed them. Oh, that’s right. He’d cried to sleep the night before. From John’s apparent betrayal. His tears still hadn’t dried.

John stepped nearer. And… softly cupped Hermann’s cheek… It was warm… He slowly wiped away the tears with the smooth caress of his thumb… then… their eyes met. John’s unsure sky-blue eyes into Hermann’s hopeful glittering chestnut eyes.

_I love you! I love you! I love you!!! _

“John!” Hermann threw himself against the dishevelled scout and dug his fingers on the front of John’s ruffled shirt. He slowly, deeply inhaled and then exhaled. Fighting new tears. Tears quite different from those the smitten scientist had shed the night before.

Despite the fact they were going to be hunted down by the most ruthless hitmen of the country, he felt like a heavy and painful burden had been lifted up from his shoulders. He felt happy. He felt safe.

He felt loved.

Bliss filled his head and heart so much he didn’t notice he was soaking John’s shirt with tears. Joy tears. Neither did he expect his first true friend to firmly close his arms around his aching body.

Morris thought Hermann still resented him for yesterday. For the -intended- betrayal, the apparent indifference, the punch in his soft, beautiful, glowing face… He hugged his golden angel tight. 

“I’m sorry, Hermann. I’m sorry.” He breathed in a husky voice against Hermann’s neck. “I’m sorry.” He softly nuzzled Hermann’s dusty yet smooth hair.

Hermann smelled his John’s fresh scent. Mint. Probably from the tooth powder. John was handsome, good-hearted, tender, clever, sociable and on top of that he smelled like fresh mint! How could any man not fall for such a perfect person? Hermann blissfully wondered.

“I’m sorry for having hurt you. I could never have… given you to the Sisters brothers, Commodore or any other greedy immoral scum!” John admitted with not just a little of emotion in his manly voice. “No matter their wealth! You’re way more… precious than any coin, Hermann!” He hugged his new friend tighter. “Your worth outstands any amount of money!... to me.” He blushed.

John probably thought speaking in such a passionate manner would calm Hermann’s sobbing but it did the exact opposite. 

The besotted chemist’s fists were so clutched tight on the cloth they almost tore up John’s shirt. He chewed his lower lip, trying to stop an upcoming cry of inhuman and burning joy. The refraining of his tears made Hermann’s whole body tremble. No one, _no one _had talked to him such a sweet way before! No one, no one ever thought he was more worth than his gold or his double-edged formula. If his body trembled even more, Hermann was sure he was going to explode. Yesterday, he felt so wretched and miserable and now, just a few hours later, he felt like he’d just reached blissful and warm Heaven, even thought he was an atheist. If Heaven felt that way, then, maybe he could understand, just a bit, why there were religious people. One thing was sure to him: John Morris was _his _lord and savior. His angel. His archangel.

“Hermann… it’s ok.” The archangel whispered in his blessed ear. Then the joyful prospector felt something like… a strong, warm hand… tenderly stroking his trembling back. “I won’t hand you over. I won’t.”

“I-I know.” Hermann managed to stutter through the lump blocking his throat. “I know you won’t.” He breathed in a smile. “Thank you.”

“Hermann…”

“Thank you... John...” Hermann slightly stepped back and gazed again at the handsome face of his -maybe more than- friend.

Morris noticed only now a bruise, left after his punch from the night before, on Hermann’s cheek. How could he have hit such a pretty, such a beautiful face? He caressed it. He expected Hermann to flinch, but instead the latter quickly glanced at John’s hand before longingly staring into his eyes.

_Wonderful, shiny, glimmering, blazing, warm chestnut eyes. Warm enough to warm up your heart. _

The enchanted detective looked at Hermann’s soft lips. Half closed his eyes. 

_Warm…_

Slowly got closer. No objection. 

_Warm…_

Soon their lips touched. Both fully closed their eyes. Enjoying the fluttering warmth irradiating their hearts, their whole bodies. Slowly, joyfully tasting each other’s mouth. 

Hermann’s lips, in addition of looking pretty, felt smooth. So delightfully smooth. John could kiss them forever. The owner of these heavenly lips uttered a faint moan. He liked it. To John’s pure happiness. He was so happy he couldn’t help cupping again his lover’s cheek, so smooth too.

_I love you, Hermann. I love you! My warm and golden angel._

John’s lips itched a bit due to the beard and felt a bit timid but soft nonetheless. And sincere. And full of love. He loved him. Yes. Hermann loved that man with all of his being, all of his heart. Just the prospect of living his next days with him and, dared he hope, the rest of his life with John Morris was enough to fill Hermann with bliss and contentment. Even if his projects for Dallas failed, that wouldn’t matter. John would be with him. John by his side, he felt capable to achieve anything, even the impossible! Yes. Hermann had met the partner, the love of his life. 


	9. Chapter 9

Soon to their regret, they had to part. Barely aware of their short, erratic breath. They stared at each other with adoration yet with apprehension. John hugged tight the small chemist.

“How can you love a coward like me?” He softly lamented.

“You’re everything but a coward, John! You’ve risked your life to protect mine!  _ I _ have endangered yours!” Hermann loudly protested.

“Nonsense! You have  _ saved  _ me from a sinner’s life, Hermann!” John pressed his forehead against his adorable lover’s. “And I’ll  _ never  _ be grateful enough to you!”

“How?  _ How  _ can you still be so kind with me?” Hermann wept. “In some alternate reality, you’ve died an early and painful death because of  _ my  _ invention and your love for  _ me _ ! How can you say I’ve  _ saved  _ you?” He squeaked in desolation.

“I’d rather die the most horrible deaths a thousand times than living again like a faithless, hateful and governed by pride hitman! Hermann…” He gently stroked back the hair of his lover who miserably shook his head and murmured things like _ “no”  _ and  _ “don’t say that” _ . “You said you didn’t see in me I was a… heartless person. That I took a genuine pleasure in communicating with people… that’s even truer… with you.” He tried to caress away the tears of his beloved. “I’ve never felt more hopeful, more joyful, more  _ blissful  _ with someone before meeting you!” He cried. Then glued his forehead against Hermann’s again. “So don’t say, please, my dearest, my beautiful, my wonderful love,  _ DON’T  _ say you’ve caused my death or endangered my life! Because that’s not true! That’s the  _ furthest  _ from the truth! You made me feel… You  _ are  _ making me feel  ** _truly _ ** alive! I feel alive… only when I’m with you, Hermann.” He breathed. 

Out of words and his poor heart about to explode, Hermann crushed his mouth against John’s, who quickly and gladly imitated him. He cupped the wet beard with his slightly shaking hands. John was gently pressing his right hand on his sweet as sugar lover’s neck and left hand on his Heaven light’s slender waist.

He wanted him whole.

He wanted him whole!

* * *

“I’m 35... and my life is like an empty cylinder.” John lamented. 

Or sounded like so. Hermann suffered a twinge in his heart for making his sweet John sad. The passionately speaking chemist didn’t know talking about peace and love could bring sorrow, let alone to kind-hearted men like his beloved. As if to break the awkward silence that was dwelling between them, Hermann put his hand over John’s; who stared at him with surprise, but didn’t take his hand off. Hermann couldn’t help smiling. At John’s still under his hand and at those adorable dumbfounded sapphire-blue eyes. 

“Then let’s just… replace that cylinder… with something else.” He kindly suggested with a pair of stunning, chestnut, beautiful, wonderful, loving eyes.

Again.

But when are these eyes not beautiful or not loving?

Hermann’s… well,  _ warm  _ smile and glowing eyes melted up that East detective’s heart. It was like a warm, soothing firewood softly crackled and flickered inside of his lover’s eyes. That sort of fire that made people gather, that pulled families together and… again,  _ warms  _ up men’s weary hearts. John Morris’s heart. All of his ideals and beliefs just had crumbled down and yet, a mere glimpse at this handsome, affectionate face cast away all of his anxieties. He needed a moment to realize he’s been smiling at these thoughts. His hand slipped off to fully take Hermann’s and intertwine their fingers together. John hadn’t noticed his angel’s fingers were so cold and blistered. He gently closed his fist over them. He saw Hermann grinning and chuckling in return, before the playful chemist put his other hand on John’s. John laughed softly and also put his other hand on Hermann’s. He looked up. His partner’s face was dangerously closer than a few seconds ago. Though there was nothing for the retired scout to complain about. Hermann was the most handsome, prettiest man, and the sweetest, purest angel John had ever met. He didn’t even know meeting an angel was possible. 

“Replace… with what?” John caught himself murmuring in a quite flirting tone.

“Well, something… less lethal…” Hermann answered with his usual calm and honey-sweet voice and the same feverish tone. “...more peaceful… that brings life… and happiness… instead of taking it…” He soon whispered as his eyes were slowly rolling down to stare at John’s lips.

“Something like what?” John lowly breathed, expecting that peaceful and happy something to come very soon. 

Hermann gently pressed his velvet-soft lips on his. Just before he quickly responded with the most tender and most sincere kiss an ex private and solitary detective from the East could give. Both enjoying the warmth of each other’s hands.


	10. Chapter 10

WIthout further thinking, or thinking at all, hot as fire Morris made his adored partner fall along with him on his bed. He didn’t have the time to worry if he’d hurt his sweet Hermann the latter caught his lips to savor them more. Even started to stroke his long hair. John was staring at him with awe and affection. And swollen and reddish eyes. Despite it all making the most sincere and beautiful smile Hermann had ever seen.

“You’re beautiful, John.” He murmured, his breath sucked out in front of so much magnificence.

“No one can equal your radiant beauty, sweet Hermann.” John replied, combing back his lover’s raven locks. “Even the sun goes blind at the mere glimpse of your blazing eyes and cold at the sight of your heartwarming smile.”

“And you’re a gifted poet.” Hermann chuckled in emotion. One tear rolled down from the corner of his eye. 

“Your color is warm, the light of your eyes is warm, your kindness is warm, your smile is warm. Must be fate that name was bestowed upon you.”

The blissful chemist grinned larger. His ardent lover cupped his wet cheeks, softly caressed them before he kissed him again. A slower and softer kiss.

“But I’m…” Hermann protested. “I’ve been so selfish. And so forceful with you! I… I realize it only now. I wanted, I needed a business partner so much... and you looked so perfect to me!... In every way… I wanted, I  _ demanded  _ you to be my partner so much... I’ve never wondered if that was what  _ you  _ desired.”

Despite his past of spying, betrayal and servitude under greedy and obscure people, John Morris never had felt so guilty before. Well, maybe expect that night at Jacksonville. Because of his self-centered, childish whims, his precious and wonderful Hermann thought of himself as a selfish monster! While his adorable, beautiful, kind and pure-hearted Hermann Kermit Warm was the complete opposite of selfishness! And he didn’t even see it… 

“You’re the kindest, most selfless person I had the joy to meet, Hermann.” John asserted, gently caressing his beloved’s cheek. “Why would I follow you and abandon everything I’m used to otherwise? Why would I do everything you say, gladly, willingly and joyfully?”

Hermann couldn’t help chuckling and blushing even more.

“I, on the other hand, I’ve manipulated you, and hurt your feelings. Just for the lure of profit. Who does that, really? And in your… alternate reality as you say… _ I  _ have led to a… painful and lonely death. You… you have… you would doom your life just to save mine.” John’s voice started to sound mournful. “And how would I thank you if you did that? Leave you all alone… leave you to suffer and die all alone… crying for a help of mine that can never come?” Tears rolled over his cheeks. “Who does that apart from a monster?” 

“You’re not a monster, John.” Hermann whispered with imploring eyes. “ _ No one _ is a monster.” He wiped the tears of his beloved. “ _ No one _ does bad things out of a supposed evil inheritance. Look at Eli and Charlie. There’s a cause for everything, John. There is  _ always  _ a cause. Like being paralyzed. Physically or… emotionally.” He kissed John on the cheek. “I can never resent you for that, John. Or resent you at all. Everyone make mistakes.” 

His lover gazed at him with puppy blue eyes.

“No.” John breathed. “Not yo-”

“ _ Everyone _ .” Hermann firmly asserted. “Why do you think I was always alone before meeting you? Do you… do you think I don’t realize what you’ve done before?” His cute nose slightly crinkled. “Do you see me as a… candid, daydreaming, innocent child? I’m not, John.” He softly shook his head. “I’m not innocent. No one is. But neither are there evil people. You know I’m right, John. Didn’t you believe at first Charlie was…  _ what he is _ because he was born evil?”

“I suppose I did.” John avoided his darling’s look.

“And he wasn’t, right?”

“No. He wasn’t.”

“Then that applies to you too, my love.” Hermann kissed his lover’s cheek again. “To me. To everyone dead and living in this world.” He gently cupped the other cheek. “So please… don’t say you’re a monster. That just doesn’t exist. That’s a common lie.” He murmured as John was contemplating him with watering eyes. “Real monsters only live in our psyche. It’s up to you to let them control you, or to control them.” John gripped and kissed Hermann’s hand. “Why would your past deeds matter more than what you do now?” He softly intertwined their fingers together. “Is what you are doing here and now at Folsom Lake bad? Are your reasons and intentions behind it bad? Then why do you see yourself as a bad person? You can, you  _ have  _ changed, John.” He held tight John’s hand. “And that would be a lie too, because you’ve never really changed.” He nervously smirked. “You  _ always  _ were a good man. You just… kept lying to yourself.” The sentimental chemist was about to kiss his man’s cheek again when he noticed the latter was weeping.

John was gazing at him with pure adoration.

“And  _ you  _ helped me see the truth, my angel.” John smiled and initiated the kiss. But not on the cheek. To Hermann’s bliss. John was a gifted and tender kisser.

“Ah… I’m not an angel, John.” The flushed prospector whispered.

“No, you are  _ my _ angel.” The fiery scout retorted before kissing his sweetheart once more.

“Then… do you think you can forgive yourself… and live in the present… if your angel is asking you to?”


End file.
